Wife Wants a Divorce Unless He Does Something in the Bedroom

On her way out the door for work, the wife says she is done after 20+ years of marriage, and he needs to do something about his performance in bed by the time she gets home. If he doesn’t have anything she wants a divorce.

Not knowing what to do, he rushes to the family Dr., and when he arrives, he frantically begins to tell the Dr what the problem is. The husband says that if I don’t do something to change things up in the bedroom by the time my wife gets home for work, she will leave me. The doctor says that he’s not a sex therapist but will give a little advice about what spiced things up in his bedroom with his marriage.

The Dr tells him that his wife will lay naked with her legs spread, and he’ll toss grapes, and when one is in or near, he’ll go up and lick it out—making sure to spend a little extra time in the process. When he’s done fulfilling her needs he’ll pop a viagra get hard as the Washington Monument and his wife will take donuts and play ring toss. When a donut goes around she will nibble it off and finish him off in the process. The husband extremely excited says thank you and I think you have something to save my marriage. The Dr exclaims this isn’t medical advice; it is just one guy talking to another. The husband doesn’t care. He feverishly shakes his hand and rushes home.

He gets the bed ready, puts out candles, makes a fancy dinner and soft music to set the mood. During the process of getting everything prepared for the big night ahead, his wife calls and says she is on her way home and what he will do about their marriage. He says that he has the key to save their marriage and is all set but realizes that he forgot the most important things. He asks if she minds stopping at the market for two things. Reluctantly she says sure, what do you need?

Could you pick up a box of Cheerios and 4-5 cantaloupes?

submitted by /u/bentbird
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