As they were walking, a snake pops out of nowhere and bites one of them, right on his penis. He collapses shortly afterward and starts sweating.
“I don’t wanna lose you buddy” the other soldier says as he’s crying and holding his dying friends hand.
The bitten soldier says “listen, there’s a village not too far from here. I’m sure they deal with these snakes all the time. Go to them and see if they have a cure”
With that the soldier runs as fast as he can to the village, desperate to save his war buddy and best pal. He looks around for the local doctor, finds him. He pulls out a field guide and shows the image of the snake that bit his friend.
“Please, you have to help me save him.” He says, sniffling.
The doctor says “okay, I help. First- you must clean the infected area, VERY thoroughly. Then, press your lips on the area and suck the venom out, then use this lotion and rub it all over the infected area.”
Back at his wounded buddy, the soldier says “yeah, you’re gonna die.”