Three British soldiers gruesomely wounded in Afghanistan meet the Queen, who wishes to reward them for their loyal service.
The first soldier is in a wheelchair. He has very long arms. The Queen takes one look at him and says “Measure this man from fingertip to fingertip and pay him 1,000 pounds for every inch.” The man stretches out his arms as wide as he can. The royal tailor measures him and they pay him 72,000 pounds.
The second soldier is blind. He has extraordinarily long legs. The Queen takes one look at him and says “Measure this man from his head to his toes and pay him 1,000 pounds for every inch.” The royal tailor measures him and they pay him 76,000 pounds.
The third man looks perfectly healthy — and absolutely average in every way. The Queen says, “And you, sir, how would you like to be compensated?”
The man says, “From the tip of my penis to the base of my testicles, your majesty.”
The Queen arches an eyebrow and her eyes twinkle in amusement. “Very well. Measure this man from the tip of his penis to the base of his testicles and pay him 1,000 pounds for every inch.”
The royal tailor squats in front of the man and arranges his tape measure, but then he stops. “Where are your testicles?”
“Last time I saw them, Afghanistan.”