This guy was cruising along a deserted Texas highway on his way to work..

doing 92 mph in an 85 zone. As he crests a slight hill he gets nailed by a highway patrolman running radar. Easing over onto the shoulder and coming to a stop, the officer walks up to the car and asks “License and registration please, and where the hell are you going in such a hurry?”

The guy replies “I’m sorry sir, I was only doing a few over and” to which the officer interrupts him and asks “I said where the hell are you going in such a hurry?” The man then tells the officer that “I’m running late for work and its vitally important to get there as soon as possible.” The officer smirks and asks “what type of job could be so damn important?” The guy replies “Well sir, you see, I am an asshole stretcher.” This catches the officer off guard, and prompts him to say “Asshole stretcher? What the hell do you mean by that?”

The guy replies “I am indeed an asshole stretcher and it is a very important position and and I need to get to work fast.” This doesn’t impress the officer, who then asks the man to explain what his job actually is.

The guy responds and says “You see sir, I am an asshole stretcher and we start with these tiny little assholes and all you can do is get a pinky finger in them when you first start. However with persistence you can manage to get another finger in there and really start to work at it. After a while you can get more and more fingers into it until you can really grab on and start to stretch it even further. Once you can get a grip on that sucker with both hands you can stretch it until you can get a foot in it, and leverage it out more. You can start to get it out past 1 foot in diameter, then 2.. then 3.. until eventually we get it up to 6 foot in diameter and finish our work. “

The officer is just aghast at this point and asks the man “What the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?”

The man replies “We stick a cowboy hat on it, give it a badge and call it a Texas State highway patrol officer”

submitted by /u/Volbeater
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