There are these two beautiful marble statues on either side of a big open piazza

For centuries they have stood frozen, starring longingly into each other’s eyes. One day the gods look down upon them with pity and decide to grant them one hour of mortal life. The statues, overwhelmed with joy, rush across the square and into each others arms and immediately run off into a bush to fulfill their greatest desires. After about a half an hour of rustling around in the bushes they emerge, panting and sweaty. “Wow” says the one statue, “that was amazing” “A dream come true” says the other “but we’ve got a half an hour left, what should we do now?” “I know” the first responds “this time I’ll hold the pigeon down while you shit on it”