One morning a few days ago, my wife and I were sitting at our kitchen table, enjoying a bit of verbal sparring while we ate. During one particular exchange I made the comment that if she kept up with her smart mouth, I was going to give her a “Rick James Special”. She looked at me quizzically, pausing in the process of adding syrup to her pancakes, and asked me what a “Rick James Special” was. So I explained:
“A Rick James Special is where I throw you face down over this table, hike up your robe, rip off your panties, dry fuck you in the ass, blow a nut on your face, wipe my dick off on the curtains, and go on about my day.”
I leaned back, sipping on my coffee, to emphasize my position of superiority. She had a strange look on her face, almost a mixture of anger and confusion that told me that I may have crossed a line.
She sat down the syrup bottle, stood up, and slowly walked around to my side of the table. Placing both hands on my shoulders, she leaned down almost nose to nose to deliver her retort.
“If you ever wipe anything off on my curtains, I will fucking end you.”