The South American Cocksucking Iguana

A man is having problems with his wife. She’s constantly nagging at him and he always seems to be in the dog house.

After a particularly big fight, he begins to drive around aimlessly. He passes a pet store and is seized by a brilliant idea. He’ll get a pet for his wife! Maybe it will make her happy,

He stops and goes in to the store. He wanders around looking at all the different animals. He looks at the fish, the birds, the puppies and kittens. Eventually he reaches the lizards. In the corner of the room is a tank labelled with a sign that says only “South American Cocksucking Iguana”. He looks hard at the lizard but can’t see anything unusual about it.

He goes to the shopkeeper and asks what the deal is with the iguana. Shopkeeper says, “I’ll tell you what. Take it in to the bathroom for five minutes and see for yourself.”

The man is skeptical and a little weirded out, but figures what the hell? Why not? He takes the lizard in to the bathroom. Five minutes later he emerges with the lizard and a giant smile on his face.

“Holy shit, how much is this thing?” the man asks the shopkeep.

“Two thousand,” comes the reply.

“Done,” says the man with no hesitation.

He puts the iguana in its tank and packs it carefully in to his car. He drives home and parks in the driveway. As he’s walking up the front walk to his house, his wife comes to the door.

“What the fuck is that?” she asks.

“It’s a South American Cocksucking Iguana!” the man replies.

“What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?”

The man laughs and says, “Nothing! Get the fuck out of my house!”

submitted by /u/noruthwhatsoever
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