The Pub Game

A guy walks into a pub in the middle of the countryside and orders a pint. While the barman is pouring his drink he notices a jar behind the bar that’s stuffed with cash, must be close to £5000 in there. Curious, he asks the barman, “what’s this about?”

“Ah, it’s a little game we got ‘ere” says the barman. “It’ll cost a tenner to hear the rules but if you pass three tests you get all the money in the jar.”

“Alright, I’m interested. What do I do?” Says the man, handing over a £10 note.

“Right. Here’s the rules – first off, you got to drink this whole bottle of tequila in one minute and keep a straight face the whole time.”

“After that there’s a Pitbull out back and he’s got a rotten tooth. You gotta get that tooth pit of his mouth without using any tools.”

“And finally there’s my great aunt Irene upstairs. She’s 102 years old, she’s been bedridden and incontinent since 1962, and she’s never had sex. You’ve got to go up there and pop her wrinkled, leathery cherry.”

The man is aghast. “There’s no way I could do all that! I’d barely make it out the door after that much tequila, let alone do the rest!”

“That’s up to you” says the barman. “But you paid to hear the rules, and I told you the rules, guess this tenner of yours will just have to go to someone who ain’t afraid of a little challenge.”

So the man gets stuck into his pint, then another, and another… and eventually bravado gets the better of him.

“Right. Gimme that bottle!” He demands.

The barman hands him the bottle and the man tears the cap off, and he starts necking it. Gulping it down and with tears streaming down his face, he fights the urge to grimace and somehow polishes it off in 50 seconds flat!

Then he staggers towards the back door, to find the Pitbull chained up to a pole. Before long, everybody inside hears a cacophony of growling, crashing, screaming. And then, silence.

The silence is deafening. For a few long moments everybody fears the worst. Suddenly, the door is kicked open and the man lurches back inside with his clothes ripped to shreds and soaked in blood. With a look of grim determination on his face he drunkenly slurs “right- where’s that old woman with the bad tooth then?”

submitted by /u/AffectionateNot
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