The monkey and the lizard

A lizard was walking through the jungle one day when he spotted a monkey up in a tree. The lizard called, “Hey Monkey, what are you doing up there?” to which the monkey replied, “Dude, I’m smoking pot…wanna join me?” The lizard agrees, and he and the monkey spend the next few hours getting stoned into an oblivion. After a while, the lizard says, “I’m so parched, man. I’m gonna head to the river to get a drink.” After fumbling his way down the tree and to the riverbank, he leans forward to get a drink and ends up slipping into the water. An alligator spots him flapping around in the river and carries him to the shore. The alligator says, “What are you doing, man?! You could have gotten killed!” The lizard explains that he’s been smoking weed for hours with the monkey, and the alligator is like, “A stoned monkey? I gotta see this.” He waddles over to the tree the lizard pointed out and calls up, “Hey Monkey!” The monkey looks down and stares at the alligator for a moment through red glazed eyes then says, “Fffffffuuuckkk duuuuudddde, how much water did you drink?!?”

submitted by /u/calivanx
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