The Italian bride

A newly married Italian couple is spending their honeymoon in the bride’s mother’s country cottage. It’s the 1930s the bride’s father died long ago, and they don’t have much money so this is the best they can do. The new bride, a lovely young woman, has never left her village and never been with a man before. Her new husband sits alone upstairs while she tells her mother how nervous and scared she is to be with a man for the first time.

“You-a don’t-a worry” Her mother tells her “I stay here and make-a the spaghetti, you go upstairs and have-a some fun”

The young woman goes upstairs and readied herself to consummate her marriage. Her husband, sitting on the bed smiling begins to remove his shirt. Having never seen a hairy chest before, the young bride gets frightened and runs downstairs.

“Momma!” she says “It’s-a so scary! He has-a the hair on his-a chest-a.”

“Calm down, little one” her mother says, stirring the sauce. “Everything-a gonna be-a alright. I stay here and make-a the spaghetti, you go-a upstairs and have-a some fun”

So the young bride goes back upstairs. Her new husband takes off his shoes, and pulls down his pants. Having never seen hairy legs before, she gets scared and runs back downstairs.

“Oh-a momma!” she cries “It’s-a so scary! He has-a the hair on his legs-a”

“It’s-a OK,” her mother says in a calming voice. “I stay here-a and make-a the spaghetti. You-a go upstairs and have-a some fun.”

So the bride goes back upstairs. Her new husband is now wearing only his underwear and socks. She stands in the doorway, gathered herself and smiles at her groom. He sits on the bed and removes his socks. However, the man had fought in the Great War and was injured by a landmine. It blew off all of his toes and part of his left foot. The new bride knowing this was not normal cried out in fear and ran back downstairs.

“Momma! Momma! she screams. It’s-a so scary! Oh my god-a momma, I never seen-a anything like it before-a. You won’t believe it momma, but he has a foot and a half!”

The mother stops stirring her sauce and looks up at her daughter in disbelief. After a short pause she says “OK dear, don’t-a worry. You stay here-a and make-a the spaghetti…..I go upstairs and have-a some fun”

submitted by /u/modiischad
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