So there’s a new machine down at the drug store…

Kevin and Tom are talking one day at the bar when Kevin mentions his elbow has been bothering him and he needs to make a doctor’s appointment.

Tom tells him, “No, don’t make an appointment. There’s an amazing new machine down at the drug store. All you do is put in a urine sample and $10 and it diagnoses you right on the spot!”

Kevin is highly skeptical of this new miracle machine, but decides what the hell, goes home and pees in a cup, and then heads to the drug store the next morning to find the machine. He puts in his urine sample and $10. The machine hums, beeps, and whirs, and out pops a slip of paper.

“You have tennis elbow.”

Well that’s bullshit, thinks Kevin, I don’t even play tennis! So he decides to test the machine.

He heads home and has his wife pee in a cup. He collects some of his daughter’s saliva, some of his dog’s shit, and to top it off, he jacks off into the cup. He heads back down to the drug store with this mix and another $10, and inserts it into the machine.

The machine hums, beeps, and whirs, and out pops another slip of paper.

“Your wife is pregnant and it’s not yours, get a divorce lawyer.

Your daughter is on drugs, get her to rehab.

Your dog has worms, take him to the vet.

And if you don’t stop jacking off, your tennis elbow will never go away.”

submitted by /u/TheGlitterati
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