So there’s a guy born without a body…

He was born as a head, nothing else. The doctors said he would never live, but somehow, he did. He had a rough childhood, but he learned to get around, rolling where he needed to, putting up with the teasing and looks. He just tried to fit in as best he could.

By the time he’s in high school, everyone knows him, and just calls him “Head”. He still has a little trouble fitting in, but everyone likes him. He goes to the school Halloween party as a soccer ball, everyone loves it.

So one day, he’s rolling his way to class, and sees a poster for prom coming up. There’s a girl in his next class, Jessica, who he would desperately love to ask out for prom, but without a body, he can’t dance. He’s torn up about it for a week, and finally decides to just do it, and ask her.

“Oh, hey Jessica!”

“Hey, Head!”

“So, I was wondering if uh, you’d like to go to prom with me next week”

“Oh, uh…”

(Head doesn’t know that Jessica was already going to prom with some other guy, but Jessica is too nice to say no, so she comes up with a better answer;)

“Sure, Head, I’ll go to prom with you on one condition; You have to turn yourself into a 10lb tomato.”

Head is just crushed. If he only knew how to make himself into a 10lb tomato, he’d go to prom with the girl of his dreams. He spends all week thinking about what to do, and then he remembers his soccer ball costume. Two days before prom, he paints himself bright red and dyes his hair green.

The next day of school, everyone is looking at the disembodied head painted like a tomato a little weirder than usual. Jessica comes up to him and asks “Oh my God! Head! What did you do??”

“Well, Jessica, I turned myself into a 10lb tomato just like you asked! So, we’re still on for prom, right?”

Jessica realized how serious he is, and still doesn’t want to say no.

“Oh Head, I meant a real tomato, silly!”

Head is even more crushed than before. Prom is the next night, and he needs to become a real tomato somehow. So that night, he eats all the tomatoes in the house, and goes to sleep with the tomato plants in his mom’s garden. He prays until he falls asleep, “Oh god, oh god oh god, won’t you make me a real tomato?”

The next morning he wakes up, and lo and behold, he’s a real tomato! He skips school that day, too excited, and gets himself all ready for prom that night. A few hours before the dance, he rolls himself over to Jessica’s house, and tried to knock on the door. Jessica comes out, and looks at the massive tomato kinda funny.

“Hey Jessica! I turned myself into a real tomato just like you asked! We’re still on for prom, right?”

Jessica’s date pulls up at that very second, and she realizes there’s no good way out of it. So she looks at Head, and she looks at her date, and all around her to see if anyone else is watching.

And then she squishes Head, scraps him into the bushes, and goes to have a very nice Prom with her date.


The moral of the story: Quit while you’re a head

submitted by /u/TheOffendingHonda
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