Satan’s Test

A rapist, thief, and murderer are standing in front of Satan as he sits on his throne.

“I’ve summoned you three here because I was feeling a bit kind today. I’ll give each of you a chance to leave Hell. All you have to do is pass my test,” Satan says. Of course, he designed his test such that it should be impossible to pass.

“Here are the conditions,” Satan continues. “I’ll give each of you 24 hours back on Earth. In those 24 hours, you must find one object that would not melt when placed in my hand. If you are successful, you will be placed back on Earth to live your lives anew. If you fail, you will stay here in Hell forever, and will be tortured more than any of the other souls here.”

The three immediately accept the terms of Satan’s test; a chance to leave Hell and return to Earth is too good a deal to pass up. Satan then sends them back to Earth to begin their search.

After 24 hours, the rapist, thief, and murderer are summoned back in front of Satan.

“Your time is up. Now show me what you were able to find,” Satan commands, as he reaches down with an open hand.

The rapist places a rosary in Satan’s palm. “This was blessed by the Pope, and so it should not melt in your hand!”

Satan closes his hand and squeezes. He opens his hand after a few seconds to reveal that the rosary had melted. The rapist is banished to the depths of Hell for all eternity.

Next up is the thief. He places a strange metal cube in Satan’s hand. “This is the rarest and hardest object on Earth. It wouldn’t melt even if placed on the surface of the Sun! I am definitely getting out of here!”

Satan closes his hand and squeezes. He squeezes harder. He opens his hand a few seconds later to reveal that even the thief’s cube has melted. The thief is banished to the depths of Hell for all eternity.

The murderer then walks up to Satan slowly, getting something from his pocket. He places a little red circular object in Satan’s hand. Satan scoffs at how insignificant and useless the murderer’s chosen object looks.

“Hah, were you even trying?!” Satan booms. He closes his hand and squeezes hard. He opens up his hand, and the tiny red object is still there. Perplexed, Satan closes his hand once more, squeezing even harder. He opens his hand to reveal that the tiny red object is still there! He tries this a few more times until he gives up.

“You! What did you bring me? This test was supposed to be impossible to pass! Surely, no object from Earth would not melt in my hand!”

“Satan,” the murderer says. “M&M’S melt in your mouth, not in your hand!”

submitted by /u/gnarly-and-me
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