It was a beautiful summer Sunday in a small southern church, songs had been sung, and the preacher was about to begin his sermon. There was suddenly a loud boom of thunder, and in a bright flash and smell of burning brimstone, Satan appeared at the pulpit. It terrified the congregation, and they began flooding from every door and window. All except one old man on the second row. He sat quietly reading the church bulletin. Satan pondered, this man must be deaf and blind, or surely he would have departed in terror. Satan asks, “Can you see me?” ” Yes, of course” replied the old man, still casually reading. “Do you know who I am?” asks Satan. “Certainly” said the man, not even bothering to look up. This angered Satan greatly. “Do you not realize that with the utterance of a single word, I can take your life and condemn you to an eternity in hell?” “Sure” replied old gentleman, now appearing to be a bit bored, but still not looking up from his reading. Satan, now bewildered, asks “If you know who I am, and what I can do to you, why are you not terrified like the rest?” For the first time the old man looked up at Satan and replied “Because I was married to your sister for fifty years, and I figured you were here to get away from her.”
- A married man carries a sheep into his bedroom.
- The first day of first grade