While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 15 mph over), I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge. Naturally, he pulled me over, walked up to the car and asked me, “What’s the hurry?” I replied, “I’m late for work.” “Oh yeah,” said the cop. “What do you do?” “I’m a rectum stretcher,” I responded. The cop said, “What?…. A rectum stretcher? What does a rectum stretcher DO?” I said, “Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand. Then I work until I can get both hands in there, and then I slowly stretch it until it’s about 6 foot wide.” The cop asked me, “What the hell do you do with a 6 foot ass hole?” I simply replied, ” You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a bridge…..”
- Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, “Just for that you don’t get any butter for a month.”
- A girl goes up to her father and tells him she’s a lesbian.