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So during confession, my priest told me I need to stop masturbating…
A guy walks into a bar and says. “Give me 10 shots of tequila, line ’em up!”
My ex’s cooking was cold and bland.
The inventor of velcro died this morning.
My 4 year old son has been learning Spanish at school and still doesn’t know the word for please…

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“Name one person that could beat Captain America”

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Captain Vietnam

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