A bloke notices a tasty bird giving him the eye in the supermarket.
“Do I know you?” he asks.
She says “Aren’t you the father of 1 of my kids?”
He thinks back to the only time he’s ever been unfaithful and says “Were youthe hooker I had sex with over the pool table at my stag do, while your mate spanked me with a piece of wet celery while shoving that massive cucumber up my arse?”
She stares at him and says “No, I’m your daughter’s teacher”