Man gets fired from his job…

…And dreading going home to his wife, he instead heads to a nearby bar. The man saddles up to the bar and orders a Jack and Coke. The bartender smiles, pulls an apple from under the bar, shines it against his shirt, and sets it on the bar.

“I said a Jack and Coke,” complains the man. “What the hell is this?”

The bartender chuckles and says, “Just eat the apple.”

The man shrugs, thinking that maybe the bartender just wants him to get something in his stomach before drinking. He takes a bite of the apple and to his surprise, it tastes like Coca-Cola.

“Wow,” the man exclaims, “that really tastes like a Coke! But where’s the Jack Daniels?”

“Turn the apple around,” advises the bartender. The man does so, takes a bite, and is again shocked when it tastes like whiskey. The man eagerly finishes that apple.

“Alright, let’s shee if you can do a Screwdriver,” the man says, feeling a bit tipsy.

The bartender reaches under the bar again, pulls out another apple, shines it against his shirt, and sets it on the bar.

“Bullshit,” says the man incredulously. “You gonna shtand there and shay this apple is gonna taste like a Shcrewdriver?”

The bartender says, “Just eat the apple.”

The man takes a bite and reels back, “God, that’s some strong vodka! But you forgot the orange juice.”

“Turn the apple around,” advises the bartender. The man does, takes a bite, and laughs giddily as the apple tastes like the best Screwdriver he’s ever had.

At this point, the man is feeling quite drunk. Seeing as how he’s the only person in the bar, he blurts out to the bartender, “Ya know what I could reeeaaally go for? Shum pusshy.”

The bartender smiles, pulls an apple from under the bar, shines it against his shirt, and sets it on the bar.

“No fucking way. That’sh bullshit! No fucking way,” the man shouts. “You’re telling me that thish apple ish gonna tashte like a pusshy?!”

The bartender says, “Just eat the apple.”

The man takes a huge bite. A look of pure shock shows on his face. He yells, “Ugh, this tastes like SHIT!”

“Turn the apple around.”

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