Little Johnny won’t quit swearing. NSFW

My dad told me this joke many many years ago. It is by far my favorite little Johnny joke. I’ve searched the archives of Reddit and haven’t seen it posted before so here goes:

Little Johnny’s parents were having problems with him swearing and couldn’t get him to stop, so his dad goes to a psychiatrist and tells him the issue.

The psychiatrist says “as you know, Christmas is coming up so what I want you to do is tuck little Johnny into bed on Christmas Eve and ask him what he wants for Christmas. Every time he swears, replace that gift with a pile of dog shit.

He dad replies “well that seems strange, but I’m out of options so I’ll give it a shot.”

So Christmas Eve creeps up and little Johnny’s dad is tucking him into bed. He asks little Johnny, “What do you want for Christmas this year?”

Little Johnny replies “ When I wake up Christmas morning I wanna see a god damn teddy bear laying right next fucking next to me on this pillow. When I go downstairs, I wanna see a fucking choo choo train wrapped around the god damn Christmas tree, and when I go outside I wanna see a big fucking red bike in my god damn garage.”

His dad says “Ok little Johnny. See you Christmas morning.”

Christmas morning comes and little Johnny wakes up and rolls over in bed. He sees a pile of dog shit. “What the fuck?” He goes down stairs and sees dog shit all over around the Christmas tree. He screams “What the fuck is this!?” He goes outside and sees a big pile of dog shit sitting in the garage.

He is sitting there cursing up a storm and his dad walks out as asks, “So little Johnny, what did you get for Christmas this year?”

Little Johnny says “I think I got a fucking puppy but I can’t find that son of a bitch!”

submitted by /u/paulyfuknwalnuts
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