When he finally enters the class huffing and puffing, the teacher says curtly, “Little Johnny, you’re almost an hour late for school. Would you please tell your classmates why you’re late today, and why your time is more precious than all of ours?”
Little Johnny can’t believe the teacher has given him an open forum to speak and launches into the events of his morning.
“Well, the day started just like any other goddamned day. I rolled outta bed, went downstairs for breakfast, and then jumped on my old nag of a horse to gallop to the schoolhouse.
“The horse was running at a breakneck pace, and when we were taking the shortcut through Ol’ Man Johnson’s farm, I noticed that prick had put up a barbed wire fence the night before.
“The horse was running too fast to stop, and he tried to jump over the cocksucker. Well, he ain’t the jumping horse that he used to be, but he just about made it. Key words: just about. That bastard horse came down ass first on that barbed wire, and that fence tore that horse’s poor arsehole all to shreds. Needless to say, that kind of put a crimp in my plans of being on time for school.”
The teacher is irate. “Little Johnny, that is NOT the kind of language you use in my classroom. You do NOT use the word “arsehole” in my class, for one thing. You say “rectum.”
“WRECKED ‘im?!” says Little Johnny, “It pretty near fucking KILLED ‘im!”