Kim Jong Un was sitting in his office wondering whom to irritate next when his telephone rang.

“Hallo, Mr. Kim!”, a heavily accented voice said. “This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!”

“Well, Paddy,” Kim replied, “This is indeed important news! How big is your army?”

“Right now,” said Paddy, after a moment’s calculation, “there is meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!”

Kim paused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.”

“Jesus” said Paddy. “I’ll have to call you back!”

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. “Mr. Kim, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!”

“And what equipment would that be, Paddy?” Kim asked. “Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy’s farm tractor.”

Kim sighed. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I’ve increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.”

“Holy shite!” said Paddy. “I’ll get back to you.”

Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. “Mr. Kim, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We’ve modified Harrigan’s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!”

Kim was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 10,000 bombers and,10,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I’ve increased my army to TWO MILLION!”

“Ah bollix!”, said Paddy, “I’ll have to ring you back.”

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. ” G’ mornin’ Mr. Kim! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” said Kim “Why the sudden change of heart?”

“Well,” said Paddy, “we’ve all had a long chat over a lot of pints, and decided there’s no feckin way we can feed two million prisoners.”

submitted by /u/reelfishybloke
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