I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car. Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” I said, “If you think she’s gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend.” He said, “Why? Is she a stunner?” I said, “No, she’s a fucking optician.” Edit: apparently people don’t like the fuck. Too fucking late.
- My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo
- I ended up with an older woman at a club last night