I heard this one from Grandma after a bottle of wine or three.

An older gentlemen with some money in his pocket was heading down an old country dirt road with peddlers and wares dealers every few miles.

He runs across a man with several of the biggest roosters he’s ever seen, at a price even better. He has to have one, so he says “Sir! Sir! I must have one of those roosters!” The peddler replies, “I’m happy to sell you one, but in the business, we call them cocks.” The man notes this, and continues on his way.

Another mile or two down, he spots another peddler, a female, this time with many young hens, again the most prolific the man has ever seen. “Ma’am! Ma’am!,” he says. “I must have one of those hens!” She replies, “Absolutely sir, but in the business, we call them pullets.” Again, the man makes a note of the accepted vernacular, and continues on his way.

A third peddler has set up shop a little further down, this time with the most muscled donkey he has ever seen. For the third time in as many stops, the man exclaims, “I must have it. Please, sell me this donkey!” The peddler replies, “I would be happy to, but we call them asses around here, not donkeys. Additionally, this one is a little tricky. He has a habit of sitting during traveling, and will only respond if you give him a little tickle.” The man makes another mental note of the details, and continues on his way.

After another 45 minutes, the ass sits down in the middle of the road. Remembering the advice about tickling him, the man looks for a way to secure the rooster and hen while he does the job, but struggles to find a solution. He sees a young woman walking adjacent to his position, and calls to her.

“Ma’am! Ma’am! I’m so sorry to bother you, but I need your help terribly. We’ve been going on for a while and I think I might lose my mind. Can you please, PLEASE, hold my cock and pullet while I tickle my ass???”

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