… And he is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. The gates are closed however, as Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
St. Peter says, “Well Forrest, it is certainly good to see ye. We hath heard much of you. I must inform thee that Heaven is filling up fast, and we hath been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests art fairly short, but thou must pass them before ye may enter.”
Forrest responds, “It shore is good to be here St.Peter. I was looking forward to this. Nobody ever done told me about any entrance exam. Sure hope the test ain’t too hard; life was a big enough test as it were.”
St. Peter goes on, “Yea, I know Forrest, but the test I have for thee art only these three questions:
1. What days of the week begin with the letter T?
2. How many seconds art there in a year?
3. What is God’s first name?
So, how answereth thee?”
Forrest slowly screwed up his face in a way that Peter could only concieve to be anticipation, and replied, “Well, the first one – how many days of the week begin with the letter “T”? Shucks, that one’s easy. That’d be Today and Tomorrow.”
Peter’s eyes open wide and he exclaims, “Forrest! That’s not what I was thinking, but….thou hast a point, and I assume I did not specify, so I shall give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?” asks St.Peter. “How many seconds are within a year?”
“Now that one’s harder,” says Forrest, “But I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve.”
Astounded St. Peter exclaimes, “Twelve!? Twelve!? Forrest, how in Heaven’s name could thou come up with twelve seconds in a year?” Forest says “Shucks, there’s gotta be twelve: January second, February second, March second…..” “Stay,” interrupts St. Peter. “I see where thou goest with this. And I guess I see thy point, though that was not quite what I had in mind, but I shall give thee credit for that one, as well. Let us go on with the next and final question. Can thou tell me the Almighty God’s first name?”
“Shore thing,” said Gump. “It’s Andy!”
OK, OK,” said a frustrated St.Peter, “I guess I may understand how thou didst come up with thy answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did thou come up with the name Andy as the first name of God??”
“That was the easiest one of all,” Forrest replied. “I learned it from the song….. “Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I’m his’own!”
As Peter grit his teeth, the Angels did cry out: “Run Forrest, run!”