Don’t fall asleep in church.

A elderly couple by the names of George and Martha go to church one Sunday. Unfortunately, Martha has a terrible habit of falling asleep during the service, and it embarrassed George something awful. So the sly old man came up with a plan: Everytime his wife would nod off, he’d prick her with a needle.

So the sermon starts and the preacher works up the crowd with a couple “hallelujahs” and “amens,” and sure enough, old Martha nods off.

George readies the pin and, just as the priest says, “And to whom, my faithful servants, do we owe everything good in our lives?” George gives his wife a sharp jab in the side, to which she responds with a powerful “My God!”

The preacher basks in the enthusiasm of his disciples and continues on with the sermon as though nothing has happened.

Martha, embarrassed and confused, rubs her side and continues on worshipping. George slips the pin out of sight, pleased by the results.

Not fifteen minutes later, as the preacher whips his worshippers into another frenzy of praise and passion, old Martha starts nodding off. Her eyelids are drooping and her head’s beginning to tilt.

George, always quick to take notice, readies his secret weapon again, poising it just off his wife’s hip. Sure enough, just as the preacher calls to the crowd, “And who, my beloved warriors of light, died for our sins?” he jabs it home.

Martha jolts as if she’s been electrified and gasps loudly amid the others, “Jesus Christ!”

The preacher takes their word as gospel and continues.

George, quick as a fiddle, slips the pin under his leg once more, innocent as a newborn.

Martha, with her side smarting, falls back into a pattern of fervent worship.

Not twenty minutes later, however, the poor old girl is beginning to nod off yet again. George, in his sly state, takes note immediately, and readies the pin for yet another assault.

Just as the preacher shouts to the heavens, “And, my children, what did Eve say to Adam after siring their 99th child?” George makes one final jab, but this time Martha sees it, and she shouts:

“IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, YOU OLD BASTARD, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS SIDEWAYS!”

The choir fainted.

submitted by /u/Hdalby33
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