An octopus walks into a bar [NSFW]

An octopus walks into a bar and the bartender immediately turns to him and says “Hey buddy, we don’t serve your kind here! You have to leave!” The octopus, feeling disrespected, retorts. “Well why not? I can do anything any of you can do!”

The bartender looks at him, discontent. “Really? Well can you play an instrument?” “Well sure! Anything you can throw at me!” “Really? Then go over and play us a song on the piano.” The octopus walks over to the piano on the wall, lifts the hood and plays a perfect rendition of Chopin’s Nocturne. The bartender is furious.

“Clearly I made that too easy! That’s no fair! Here.” The bartender reaches under the bar and pulls out a clarinet. “Let’s see what you can do with this thing.” The octopus pensively takes it, toying with it momentarily. Once he gets a feel for the sound, he whips out a simple, but passable, song. Again, the bartender is frustrated.

“Well, anyone can play the clarinet!” the bartender exclaims. He huffs off to the back office and comes back holding a bagpipe. He hands it to the octopus. “Here! Let’s see what you can do with this!”

The octopus takes the bagpipe and begins inspecting it carefully, toying with it, inspecting every stitch and seam. After a few minutes of this the bartender gets confused. “Well, aren’t you going to play it?”

The octopus turns to the bartender. “Play it? Once I figure out how to get this sweater off of it I’m gonna fuck it!”

submitted by /u/PCP-Papi
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