The leader of the cannibals arrives, and says “Greetings, travelers. I’m sorry to tell you this, but since we have captured you, you must die. Furthermore, we must eat you, and make canoes out of your skins, in accordance with our traditions. However, we will be as humane as we can. We will allow you to take your own lives, and will allow you to do so however you choose. You have an hour to make your decision.”
In an hour, the cannibals return. First, they approach the Frenchman, who requests a knife. They bring him the knife, he stands up, yells “VIVE LA FRANCE!”, slits his own throat, and dies. The cannibals then take his body away to be eaten and turned into a canoe.
Next, they approach the Englishman, who requests a pistol. They bring him the pistol, he stands up, yells “LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!”, shoots himself in the head, and dies. Again, they take his body away.
Finally, they come to the American. The American asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but bring him a fork. The American stands up, starts stabbing himself all over with the fork, and yells “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS, MOTHERFUCKERS!”