A Russian man asks his friend if he should get married and have a family, or join the army

The friend says:

“Vanya, if you get married, then all hope is lost.

“Now, if you join the army, you have two options: either you live or you die. If you live, then all hope is lost.

“If you die, you have two options: either you die on the Ukrainian side of the border or the Russian side of the border. If you die on the Ukrainian side of the border, then all hope is lost

“If you die on the Russian side of the border, you have two options: either you’re buried in the battlefield, or under a tree. If you’re buried in the battlefield, then all hope is lost.

“If you’re buried under a tree, you have two options: either the tree lives or it gets chopped. If the tree lives, then all hope is lost.

“If the tree is chopped, you have two options: you will be made into pencils or paper. If they make pencils out of you, then all hope is lost.

“If they make paper out of you, you have two options: you will become writing paper or toilet paper. If you become writing paper, then all hope is lost.

“If you become toilet paper, you have two options: you will be placed in the men’s room or the women’s room. If you’re placed in the men’s room, then all hope is lost.

“If you’re placed in the women’s room, you have two options: you’re going to be used on the behind side or the front side. If you’re used on the behind side, then all hope is lost.”

“And what if I get used on the front side?”

“Well, Vanya, that’s basically the same as getting married.”

submitted by /u/epiquinnz
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