in the confession booth, and he desperately needs to take a bathroom break, however the queue outside the booth of confessing sinners is building and he really doesn’t want to delay any further.
Thankfully, with him is a young deacon in training, so the priest whispers to him, “listen, I need you to take over a few of these confessions for me while I duck off to the bathroom, I’ll only be gone a few minutes.”
“But father!” Says the deacon in a hushed panic, “I don’t know what to do! We haven’t learned confessions in the seminary yet!”
“Don’t worry, it’s easy,” replies the priest. “just look here at this list on the wall. Whatever their sins are, just find it on the list and it will show the appropriate penance. The people confessing won’t even see you from behind the screen anyway, you’ll be fine. I’ll be back soon.”
So the first punter walks in to the booth and the nervous deacon opens the screen. The man confesses to be stealing money from his work. The deacon looks down the list, and sure enough finds “stealing – 2 hail Marys,” gives him his penance and sends him on his way.
The second person walks in, a man claiming to have problems with anger, and that he struck his wife the other day. The deacon looks down the list, and finds “hitting – 1 Our Father.” Tells the man to say 1 Our father as penance, and sends him on his way.
A woman then enters.
“Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I’m married, but I gave a blowjob to another man.”
The deacon scrolls down the list… blowjob… blowjob… no blowjob. He doesn’t know what to do, it isn’t on the list. The deacon begins to panic, but luckily he then notices an altar boy is nearby, so he whispers to him.
“Pssst, listen I need to know something, what does father give for a blowjob?”
To which the altar boy replies;
“A snickers bar and a can of coke.”