A priest is nervous about conducting his first church service…

…he gives it his best effort and does horribly. Feeling dejected he returns to his quarters where he finds an anonymous note, it reads: “Next Sunday, take some of the port and sip it whilst carrying out the service, it will calm your nerves.”

The priest thinks this is great advice and sets aside a bottle of port. The following Sunday, the priest returns to his quarters after what he believes was a much better service and finds another anonymous note.

The note reads: “I told you to sip the port throughout the service, not down the entire bottle during the first reading.

Also, there are ten commandments to live by, not twelve.

There were twelve disciples, not ten.

David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

The Virgin Mary was not called ‘Mary with the Cherry’.

Jesus probably shouldn’t be referred to as ‘The Big G’.

And lastly, it was a taffy eating contest at St. Peter’s, not a penis pulling contest at St. Toughies.”

submitted by /u/xxCDZxx
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