A newlywed farmer stops in at the tavern for the first time after his honeymoon.

He is greeted fondly and his friends buy him a few rounds. He gladly downs them and then orders a drink of his own.

A few drinks in he overhears three of the older farmers talking.

“You see this! Mary damn near bit my neck off yesterday! I was howling like a dog for an hour!” one says.

“Pffft that’s child’s play!” another man slurs. He unbuttons his shirt and shows off his back covered in red criss-crossing cuts. “Helga was running hot and decided to grind me up against my fence and ruined my best shirt. I couldn’t put my shoes on this morning ’cause of my damned back!”

“That’s nothing!” one of the men says as he hikes up his pants leg and shows of a fresh red lump. “Bella though she’d try something new and ended up almost kicking my beans off! Couldn’t walk for hours!”

The young farmer, having just had the most wonderful honeymoon, trots over and drops his pants showing off his family jewels, chaffed and red from nonstop love making.

“My Elizabeth and I did everything you could think of for 2 weeks straight! Beat that!”

The men stare in silence and until one man speaks up “Who names a horse Elizabeth?”

submitted by /u/nothinlefttochoose
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