A man stumbles out of a bar just before closing time.

An officer was already outside, waiting for drink-drivers. She watches as the man nearly trips down the stairs outside the bar, stagger over to his car, and fumble in his pocket for his keys.

Looks like I’ve got one, the officer thinks to herself.

15 minutes later, closing time finally comes, and the rest of the bar’s patrons start to leave. The man is still fumbling in his pocket for his keys, staggering to and fro, drunkenly tripping over his own feet.

And the officer is still watching him like a hawk.

The bar’s patrons leave in their own cars as the man finally finds his keys. He unlocks the car, slowly opens the driver’s seat door, and falls onto the seat. He then rights himself, puts the key in the ignition and starts the car.

Immediately the officer blares her car’s siren, and the man stops his car. The cop walks over to the driver’s window, and the man rolls down the window.

“What sheems to be the prolbem, ociffer?” Says the man, slurredly

“How much have you had to drink tonight, sir?” The officer replied”

“What? I havesn’t had none to hic drink”

The officer retrieved a breathalyzer from her belt

“Blow into this tube until I say ‘stop’.”

And so he did

“Stop.”

Upon reading the breatho, the officer was astounded. It came up all 0s. Not a trace of alcohol in his system.

“How… how is this possible?” The officer replied, slightly taken aback.

“Easy,” replied the man, “I’m the designated decoy”

submitted by /u/n0v0parr0t
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