A man is severely depressed.
His wife left him, took the kids and due to all the stress and pressure in his personal life, his work performance took a dive and he was fired. Without a job, he lost his home, his possessions and whatever was left of his dignity and hope. He decided to end his miserable life.
Suicide was the only thing he had left.
That evening he began walking through town toward the highest bridge to jump from when he came upon a little pet shop. He looked through the big glass window and saw a litter of cute little puppies. For the first time in what seemed like forever, he felt a spark of happiness shine inside is poor soul.
The man walked inside and the shop keeper greeted him. “What can I do for you today?” “Well,” the man said, “I’m severely depressed and I want to end my life. I was about to commit suicide when I saw those puppies in the window and I thought maybe having something to take care of would give me purpose in my life.” The shop keeper agreed, “We have many adorable puppies to choose from, what breed would you like?” The man thought about his options for a moment and said “Well, now I’m not so sure. I no longer have income, or a home, so perhaps a dog is too much of a responsibility right now. What else do you have?”
“Hmm.” thought the shop keeper. “How about a cat? You don’t have to walk them, and you can also keep a cat outdoors. How about that?” “That is true, but a cat still needs food and water, and to be shown some level of affection. I don’t think I can do all of that, I’m still suicidal after all! What if I still kill myself! The poor cat, left all alone.”
“This is hopeless” the man said. “Never mind, I think I’m going to the bridge now. I’m pretty sure I want to just die.” and the man began walking out the door.
“Wait!” shouted the shop keeper, “How about this? A little turtle. Hardly any care needed.” The man, already teetering on live vs. death, can’t make up his mind about this either. “I don’t know. What do I really want, even? To live? To die? I don’t know.”
“Okay, I have the perfect pet. A single bee. You don’t have to do anything. It takes care of itself.”
The man took notice of this idea and thought about it for a minute.
“Interesting.” he said. “A single bee. I think I can handle that.”
The shop keeper agreed and thought it was perfect and he began ringing up the sale of a single bee.
“Buuuut…” the man interjected, “What if the bee gets lonely? Everyone needs someone. Just like I need my wife, and my kids…oh lord. My family. My god. I’ve lost them all. A single bee? How pathetic! I really have nothing left to live for. Maybe I really do want to die!”
“Wait! How about this! Get TWO bees! It’s perfect!” the shop keeper exclaimed.
The man, with a great decision on his mind, began weighing his options out loud; “Two bees? Is that what I want? Or just one bee? Do I really want to live? Or do I want to die? What should I do?”
The shop keeper, totally fed up with this guy and just wanting the sale yells;
“JESUS CHRIST MAN, TWO BEE OR NOT TWO BEE, THAT’S THE QUESTION!”
Sub-joke: I made this up at the bar last night and my wife hated it and now thinks less of me.
submitted by /u/eatgoodneighborhood