He is stable. While not entirely bed ridden, he cannot move far without assistance. He feels a sudden urge in his bowels. He hits the call button to get assistance to go to the commode. Alas, he is unable to void. Several more times, he has the same sensation, summons the nurse, and again and again it’s a false alarm. He decides not to hit the alarm anymore. Well, one of his sensations bears true, and he blows out a massive bowel movement into his bed sheets. Horrified, he decides to discard the evidence rather than call for assistance. He manages to gather the sheets (and the shits) into a ball. With great effort, he moves to the window and defenestrates the evidence.
At that very moment, a drunkard is corralling down the street. The sheets fall on him, and he engages in a fit of flailing limbs to free himself from this unexpected assailant. A police officer happens upon him, and as he finishes gesticulating, the officer asks him what happened. The drunk replies, “I’m not sure, but I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost.”