A man goes out to the bar with his friends, but promises his wife he won’t drink. All night long his friends try to convince him to drink with them and get a cab later. He finally relents and starts taking shots.
Pretty soon he catches and surpasses his friends. He gets so drunk that he throws up on his shirt. He tells the bartender how mad his wife will be when she finds out he drank.
The bartender says “Don’t worry, all you gotta do is put a twenty in your shirt pocket and tell her someone else threw up on you and paid for the dry-cleaning.”
The man emphatically agrees and continues drinking. When he finally takes a cab home he stumbles inside reeking of booze to find his wife waiting for him.
“Where were you?” She shouts.
“I was at the bar, but don’t worry, I wasn’t drinking.”
“Oh really? Then why is there puke on your shirt?”
“That wasn’t me. Someone threw up on me and gave me twenty bucks for dry cleaning. Check my pocket.”
She walks over and pulls cash out of his shirt pocket. “Why is there forty dollars here?”
He looks right at her and says “later in the night, the same guy shit my pants.”