A man begins to suspect he has a tapeworm, so he goes to the doctor…

The doctor examines him and confirms that yes, he does have a tapeworm. “And it’s a pretty wily one, too. Every time I try to yank it out, it just darts away. I’m gonna have to resort to more unorthodox methods…”

The man doesn’t like the sound of that, but he’s desperate to get rid of the problem.

“I want you to come back tomorrow. Bring a banana and a cookie.”

“But why?” the man says.

“Just do it.”

So the guy leaves. The next day he comes back with a banana and a cookie. “Alright. Bend over. And brace yourself. This is gonna hurt like hell.”

The guy bends over and the doctor jams the banana right up his ass until it’s completely gone. The guy hollers in agony. “What the hell doc!?”

“Trust me!” the doc says.

The doctor checks his watch, and exactly ten minutes later, he tells the guy to bend over again. The guy does, and the doctor jams the cookie up his ass. There are even more howls of pain and anguish. But the doctor tells him to pull up his pants and head home. “But come back tomorrow with another banana, and another cookie.”

“You gotta be shittin’ me, doc!”

“Trust me!” the doc says.

So away the guy goes, and he comes back the next day with a banana and another cookie. The same thing happens, along with equal amounts of screaming in agony. The doc jams the banana up the man’s ass, and ten minutes later, the cookie. The doc tells him to come back again the next day with another banana and cookie, and the next day, and the next day.

“Doc, I can’t take much more of this…” the guy whimpers after a week.

“Trust me,” the doc says. “Not much longer now.”

Finally after two weeks of bananas and cookies, the doc tells him, “Come back tomorrow with a banana and a hammer.”

“Oh no!” the guy says, turning pale with fright. “A goddamn hammer?”

“Trust me,” the doc says.

“Well, I’ve come this far. And this tapeworm is driving me nuts. It can’t get much worse.”

So he comes back the next day with a banana and a hammer. As usual the doctor crams the banana right up his ass, to much howling and screaming. Then he waits 11 minutes.

Suddenly, the little tapeworm pokes his head out of the man’s asshole and says, “Hey! Where the fuck’s my cookie!?”


submitted by /u/thudly
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