“Welcome!” Satan bellows. “You will find everything here quite to your liking. All I ask is that you sign this document, confirming you accept your placement in Hell.”
Suspiciously, the lawyer takes the stack of papers from his hands. He spends several hours taking in every detail, all of which seem extremely reasonable: his own chambers, an entourage of servants, and total freedom to do as he pleases in the Underworld.
Finally, he reaches the last statement: “By signing this document and swearing my allegiance to the Lord of Darkness, I hereby accept that my loyalty is absolute, and the Lord Himself shall bear me no torment, with only my *”
The lawyer frowns, turning the last page over. “It seems you’re missing some fine print,” he says, handing it over to Satan.
The Dark Lord puts on his reading glasses, skims the page, then chuckles. “Must be a clerical error. I did outsource some new help, and between you and me,” he said, winking, “their English is abysmal.” He throws back his head, laughing. “But what else is new, right?!”
The lawyer guffaws, signing the document. “I know only too well what you mean!” he says, handing it back to Satan. “Well, if you don’t mind, I’ll just head to my new chambers and prepare–“
“Not quite yet, my friend,” Satan sniggers, unbuckling his pants and shoving the lawyer over. “I think I’ll fill my terms first.”
“What terms?!” the lawyer sputters. “The contract clearly said you would ‘bear me no torment!'”
“Indeed,” Satan said, whipping out his manhood. “I’ll bear you no torment, with only your ass to risk.”