A gambler gets audited by the IRS

 The man walks in to see the auditor with his lawyer and sits down. The auditor says "you claim to have made around $10 million last year through gambling and frankly, we don't believe you" The man says "I'm a great gambler and I can prove it!" The auditor replies "go ahead" so the man says "I bet you $2,000 that I can lick my eyeball" The auditor decides that there's no way this man's tongue is that long and agrees to the wager. The man proceeds to pop out a glass eye, lick it, and pop it back in his socket. Before the auditor can respond the man says, "double or nothing. I bet you that I can bite my other eye." The auditor sees that this man is clearly not blind, there's no way this man has 2 glass eyes so again, he agrees to the wager. The man puts his hand to his mouth and pops out his dentures. The then proceeds to bite his good eye with his dentures before popping them back in. Before the auditor can respond the man exclaims "Triple or nothing! I bet I can stand on your desk, and piss in the waste basket across the room without spilling a drop in between" The auditor is suspicious as he has now been burned twice in front of this man's lawyer. The judged the wastebasket to be probably 10 feet away from his desk and determined that it would be an impossible feet for any man. Reluctantly, he accepts the wager. The man hops up on the desk, pulls down his pants, and proceeds to piss all over the desk. First he went for the keyboard, then the calendar, then the picture of the auditors wife. The auditor had already begun celebrating before the man pulled up his pants while the man's lawyer bellows "noooo what the hell!" And buries his head in his hands. The auditor notices the lawyer and stops celebrating to ask him why he was so pissed off all of a sudden. The lawyer looks at the auditor with dread in his eyes and replies, "as we were in your reception area waiting for this meeting, my client bet me $50,000 that he could piss all over your desk and you'd be happy about it" 

Sorry about formatting. On mobile

submitted by /u/TheVillianousFondler
[link] [comments]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *