His wife is a total nympho and he knows that she will never be able to remain faithful for that long. In an attempt to quell her sexual appetite, he goes to a sex shop on the outskirts of town. He spends several minutes pouring over dozens of dildos, dongs, vibrators, and other toys. However, he knows that none of them will satisfy his wife for the entire duration of his trip. Defeated, he approaches the strange looking clerk and begins to explain his situation. The clerk reaches under the desk and pulls out a hand carved wooden box that is covered in ancient writing and symbols. “This,” explains the clerk, “will serve your purpose.” He opens the box to reveal a wooden phallus, darkened by age and covered in dust. “Really?” “Just watch” says the clerk, and loudly speaks “VOODOO DICK THE DOOR.” Suddenly the artifact begins glowing and floats out of the box. It rockets across the room and starts attempting to penetrate the keyhole. The lights flicker as the walls begin to shake while the thing just goes to town on the keyhole. As a crack begins to run across the ceiling, the clerk shouts “VOODOO HALT!” and the magical dick floats gently back to the box. “I’ll take it” says the businessman, already reaching for his credit card. “A word of caution,” begins the clerk, “only the magic words can start or stop it’s process. Nothing else will work.” The man takes his gift home and presents it to his wife. He is so excited to tell her how to start it and what it does,, he neglects to tell her how to stop it. Even though she is skeptical she accepts the gift and the man departs. After seven days the wife is getting extremely horny. She wants to remain faithful, but is already starting to fantasize about the neighbor and the pool boy. On day 10 she finally lets her sexual tension overcome her. Just as she is about to get some strange, she remembers the gift. She figures it couldn’t hurt to try it, even if she makes a fool of herself she is alone at home. She strips and lays down, opening the box. “Voodoo dick my pussy” she says, almost sarcastically. Suddenly, the Voodoo dick flies straight to her crotch and begins intensely pleasuring her. It goes the exact right speed and angle. It is the best sex she has ever had. Two orgasms quickly turns to six, and there is no sign of stopping. She tries to stop it; grab it, but nothing hinders its mission. After fruitless internet research and four more orgasms she determines that the only remaining option is to go to the hospital. She can barely stay on her feet as she puts on her clothes and attempts to walk to the car. While driving, she has another orgasm, causing her to swerve and nearly hit a sign. A cop sees her car swerve and pulls her over. She stops, and as he approaches the window she begins to explain. “I’m so sorry officer,” she says, trembling in pleasure, “but I can barely drive because I have this Voodoo dick pounding away at my pussy…” The officer rolls his eyes and replies “Voodoo dick my ass!”
- Are you Jewish?
- There was this tramp.